January 3, 2013

Dear...

I guess I need a nickname for the new one.  I have been obsessed with having another baby for so long.  It felt so urgent and necessary even though I also felt OK with Peanut and Sweetface.  For reasons other than just to have a baby I had my IUD taken out.  I wasn't sure how or even if that would change things.  It did.  Your dad and I risked it.  Four weeks later the rabbit died.  Not really, but it's how it happened in ye olden days.

I'm still in shock I think.  Suddenly I feel old.  We've given so much of our baby stuff away and we'll have to start over a bit.  We still have a room, a crib and some clothes though.  Diapers and some bottles should be enough.  Binkies too! 

I have not yet been to the doctor but BabyCenter tells me you will be here on September 8.  The Chinese calendar tells me you are a girl, but I've heard that song before. 

I think I'm excited, but also very nervous.  This was moderately planned but not 100%.  I'm worried that I am ruining something.  Once the doctor confirms everything and we can hear you I think I'll feel better.  Clearly we are on track, but the elation has not yet come. 

Peanut and Sweetface will be excited.  They don't know yet.  We are waiting for confirmation before telling them.  I'm not sure how to tell anyone.  I wasn't sure how to tell dad.  He expected it though.  Somehow he seems calm and I'm the panicky one.  We are like that though.  If he freaks out I'm calm.  Maybe I should ask him to freak out a little. 

I'll find a name for you.  I hope to write here often so all three of you know how things were.

I love you. 

Mom