Thursday, January 3, 2013
January 3, 2013
Dear...
I guess I need a nickname for the new one. I have been obsessed with having another baby for so long. It felt so urgent and necessary even though I also felt OK with Peanut and Sweetface. For reasons other than just to have a baby I had my IUD taken out. I wasn't sure how or even if that would change things. It did. Your dad and I risked it. Four weeks later the rabbit died. Not really, but it's how it happened in ye olden days.
I'm still in shock I think. Suddenly I feel old. We've given so much of our baby stuff away and we'll have to start over a bit. We still have a room, a crib and some clothes though. Diapers and some bottles should be enough. Binkies too!
I have not yet been to the doctor but BabyCenter tells me you will be here on September 8. The Chinese calendar tells me you are a girl, but I've heard that song before.
I think I'm excited, but also very nervous. This was moderately planned but not 100%. I'm worried that I am ruining something. Once the doctor confirms everything and we can hear you I think I'll feel better. Clearly we are on track, but the elation has not yet come.
Peanut and Sweetface will be excited. They don't know yet. We are waiting for confirmation before telling them. I'm not sure how to tell anyone. I wasn't sure how to tell dad. He expected it though. Somehow he seems calm and I'm the panicky one. We are like that though. If he freaks out I'm calm. Maybe I should ask him to freak out a little.
I'll find a name for you. I hope to write here often so all three of you know how things were.
I love you.
Mom
Saturday, December 15, 2012
December 15, 2112
Dear Peanut & Sweetface,
Yesterday something horrible happened in our World. Not here in our town, but another far away. Senseless violence. There is no reason or way to understand it. But maybe you will remember being loved on and hugged tighter. Parents everywhere grieved for families we don't know. It's all we know to do. Nothing will fix it. There is no house to re-build, no town to put back together.
God wins. It's all the comfort I can grasp right now. He will make all things right. I wish it were happening right now, but it will happen when it is supposed to. I wish every person would feel for their neighbors. You don't have to like someone, but you do have to be respectful.
I love you boys. It breaks my heart to send you somewhere without me. I think that if something were to every happen, I want to be there too. I could not bear to hear that you are not coming home. Please be safe. Please tell me or your dad or someone if life becomes too much for you. We will help in whatever way we can.
Love,
Mom
Yesterday something horrible happened in our World. Not here in our town, but another far away. Senseless violence. There is no reason or way to understand it. But maybe you will remember being loved on and hugged tighter. Parents everywhere grieved for families we don't know. It's all we know to do. Nothing will fix it. There is no house to re-build, no town to put back together.
God wins. It's all the comfort I can grasp right now. He will make all things right. I wish it were happening right now, but it will happen when it is supposed to. I wish every person would feel for their neighbors. You don't have to like someone, but you do have to be respectful.
I love you boys. It breaks my heart to send you somewhere without me. I think that if something were to every happen, I want to be there too. I could not bear to hear that you are not coming home. Please be safe. Please tell me or your dad or someone if life becomes too much for you. We will help in whatever way we can.
Love,
Mom
Thursday, November 1, 2012
November 1, 2012
Dear Peanut & Sweetface,
Last night was Halloween. You both have been so excited about it for weeks. Peanut you dressed as a bleeding skeleton and Sweetface you were a red ninja. You both looked so good. I stayed home to pass out candy so I have no idea what it was like actually trick or treating with you. If it was anything like in years past you did great and had a blast.
Today Sweetface asked me what he should be for the next Halloween. I said I thought we had time to decide. Time is a hard concept for little ones. One week may as well be a year. When is Christmas, my birthday, school out, etc.? I try to show on fingers how many days, weeks or months it may take. Trouble is if it's beyond 10 days you have no idea.
There are moments I have a hard time around the two of you. You get rowdy and loud and wrestle and scream and and and... I can't seem to grasp that. I grew up a semi-only child since my sisters were all older than me. I didn't grow up with boys either. Daddy says you act normal. Sometimes I wish you would sit down and do something quiet. It's funny because you do if you are alone. You will both color, play with toys or read or whatever. Once you both are in the same room though, watch out! I try to take a mommy break once in a while to sort of re-charge myself. I feel guilty that sometimes I wish you were quieter.
Another baby has been on my mind. I think you would like it, but I'm not sure. I kind of feel like that ship has sailed and I should focus on the two of you only. But sometimes I feel like there is a third child missing from our lives. I'm not sure we'll ever have another.
I love you guys. I want you to enjoy being kids. Sometimes you worry about things you don't need to worry about. I try to tell you to let mommy and daddy worry about that stuff. Most of the time that works and you are OK.
Love,
Mom
Last night was Halloween. You both have been so excited about it for weeks. Peanut you dressed as a bleeding skeleton and Sweetface you were a red ninja. You both looked so good. I stayed home to pass out candy so I have no idea what it was like actually trick or treating with you. If it was anything like in years past you did great and had a blast.
Today Sweetface asked me what he should be for the next Halloween. I said I thought we had time to decide. Time is a hard concept for little ones. One week may as well be a year. When is Christmas, my birthday, school out, etc.? I try to show on fingers how many days, weeks or months it may take. Trouble is if it's beyond 10 days you have no idea.
There are moments I have a hard time around the two of you. You get rowdy and loud and wrestle and scream and and and... I can't seem to grasp that. I grew up a semi-only child since my sisters were all older than me. I didn't grow up with boys either. Daddy says you act normal. Sometimes I wish you would sit down and do something quiet. It's funny because you do if you are alone. You will both color, play with toys or read or whatever. Once you both are in the same room though, watch out! I try to take a mommy break once in a while to sort of re-charge myself. I feel guilty that sometimes I wish you were quieter.
Another baby has been on my mind. I think you would like it, but I'm not sure. I kind of feel like that ship has sailed and I should focus on the two of you only. But sometimes I feel like there is a third child missing from our lives. I'm not sure we'll ever have another.
I love you guys. I want you to enjoy being kids. Sometimes you worry about things you don't need to worry about. I try to tell you to let mommy and daddy worry about that stuff. Most of the time that works and you are OK.
Love,
Mom
Monday, October 29, 2012
October 29, 2012
Dear Peanut,
At church you are learning about generosity. This is something you already know a bit about. You have a generous heart. You are able to be empathetic. This afternoon when you got home from school you asked for envelopes. You took some up to your room. I didn't ask what you were doing. A while later I went up to check on you and there were three envelopes on your bed. One addressed to me, one to your father and one to your brother. I opened mine and there was a dollar bill and a piece of gum in there with a note. My note said you loved me and I was the best mommy.
You had taken money out of the birthday money you got just a couple days ago. You gave us each one of your dollars and one piece of your gum. You were sharing and showing your generosity. I am very proud of you. You want to make others happy. You asked if we could give half of your "give" money to church and the other half to Jack. I didn't understand which Jack you were talking about. It's Jack Liu from China. I think he is here visiting for a few months. I guess they talk about him during kid activities, but I didn't know you knew anything about him.
Where my heart stops in America and sometimes at my own doorstep, yours has no bounds. Kids in Haiti need something - you want to go get it. Someone needs something in China - you want to send it. You see no borders or walls. You see no difference. I believe you see everyone as a person, not black, white, Hispanic or any other variety. I realize you know the difference and you understand that this person is in fact, black and you are white, but it has no meaning to you.
My dream for you is to always follow your heart. Follow your heart and your brain will follow.
Love,
Mom
At church you are learning about generosity. This is something you already know a bit about. You have a generous heart. You are able to be empathetic. This afternoon when you got home from school you asked for envelopes. You took some up to your room. I didn't ask what you were doing. A while later I went up to check on you and there were three envelopes on your bed. One addressed to me, one to your father and one to your brother. I opened mine and there was a dollar bill and a piece of gum in there with a note. My note said you loved me and I was the best mommy.
You had taken money out of the birthday money you got just a couple days ago. You gave us each one of your dollars and one piece of your gum. You were sharing and showing your generosity. I am very proud of you. You want to make others happy. You asked if we could give half of your "give" money to church and the other half to Jack. I didn't understand which Jack you were talking about. It's Jack Liu from China. I think he is here visiting for a few months. I guess they talk about him during kid activities, but I didn't know you knew anything about him.
Where my heart stops in America and sometimes at my own doorstep, yours has no bounds. Kids in Haiti need something - you want to go get it. Someone needs something in China - you want to send it. You see no borders or walls. You see no difference. I believe you see everyone as a person, not black, white, Hispanic or any other variety. I realize you know the difference and you understand that this person is in fact, black and you are white, but it has no meaning to you.
My dream for you is to always follow your heart. Follow your heart and your brain will follow.
Love,
Mom
Thursday, October 4, 2012
October 4, 2012
Dear Sweetface,
Today I whacked you with the van door. I had no clue you were in the garage and my hands were full. I managed to get a tiny grip on the back door and threw it down. Right, on your head. Ouch. You seem fine though.
I feel like you are close to learning to read. I'm not sure why, you really don't know all your letters, but you seem to look at books and say what they say sometimes. I know right now it's just remembering the name and certain words and stuff, but still. It makes me feel like you are closer rather than farther.
Some days I have horrible guilt because we stay home together and I don't do anything. I do some laundry, run errands and sit at the computer. You play, sing and entertain yourself. Why don't I do more? Why am I such a lazy parent? I'm working on it. I'm trying to work on it.
Anyway, I love you and hope the bump on your head is OK.
Love,
Mom
Today I whacked you with the van door. I had no clue you were in the garage and my hands were full. I managed to get a tiny grip on the back door and threw it down. Right, on your head. Ouch. You seem fine though.
I feel like you are close to learning to read. I'm not sure why, you really don't know all your letters, but you seem to look at books and say what they say sometimes. I know right now it's just remembering the name and certain words and stuff, but still. It makes me feel like you are closer rather than farther.
Some days I have horrible guilt because we stay home together and I don't do anything. I do some laundry, run errands and sit at the computer. You play, sing and entertain yourself. Why don't I do more? Why am I such a lazy parent? I'm working on it. I'm trying to work on it.
Anyway, I love you and hope the bump on your head is OK.
Love,
Mom
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Dear SweetFace
You are something else. My heart just about explodes when I look at you. You are funny, cute, sweet and wonderful. At the same time you are a brat.
I'm getting firm though. I stand my ground with you. Sometimes it seems so unreasonable though. Today you would not put your shoes on by yourself. I helped you get your pajamas off and your clothes on so it seemed fine to ask you to do one thing. You refused, whined, cried, pleaded and otherwise would not do it. I gave you the option of going without shoes. Nothing. I said I would fix you hair only if you put your shoes on. Bam! Shoes.
I'm worried about your speech. It still seems behind to me. Maybe I'm not sure what kids your age should sound like, but I worry we won't get it worked out. I think I might start having mini speech sessions with you to help you practice. T, R, J, L, are what we need to get still. I listen to some of your cousins and they still have speech issues and they are way older than you. I worry if I don't help somehow you will end up with trouble forever.
I think you might be behind on some learning too. I need to figure out what is normal at this age. Sometimes we expect too much from you because you aren't at the same level as Peanut. I realize you are younger and will probably be behind him for quite some time. I'm more concerned you are behind other kids your age.
You are a stinker, but you tell me you love me all day long and I can't help but feel like I'm doing something right with you. I treasure our stay home days together.
I love you,
Mommy
I'm getting firm though. I stand my ground with you. Sometimes it seems so unreasonable though. Today you would not put your shoes on by yourself. I helped you get your pajamas off and your clothes on so it seemed fine to ask you to do one thing. You refused, whined, cried, pleaded and otherwise would not do it. I gave you the option of going without shoes. Nothing. I said I would fix you hair only if you put your shoes on. Bam! Shoes.
I'm worried about your speech. It still seems behind to me. Maybe I'm not sure what kids your age should sound like, but I worry we won't get it worked out. I think I might start having mini speech sessions with you to help you practice. T, R, J, L, are what we need to get still. I listen to some of your cousins and they still have speech issues and they are way older than you. I worry if I don't help somehow you will end up with trouble forever.
I think you might be behind on some learning too. I need to figure out what is normal at this age. Sometimes we expect too much from you because you aren't at the same level as Peanut. I realize you are younger and will probably be behind him for quite some time. I'm more concerned you are behind other kids your age.
You are a stinker, but you tell me you love me all day long and I can't help but feel like I'm doing something right with you. I treasure our stay home days together.
I love you,
Mommy
Dear Peanut
Today as you were getting on the bus I leaned over and kissed you. You shrugged me off with a grumpy "mom". I realized it's probably uncool to be kissed in front of the school bus. I get it. I don't have to like it though.
I want so much for you. You have the ability to learn so many things. When I was in school, learning was not my top priority. Making friends and getting through was all consuming. My friends never really stuck, but I managed to get through. For you, I want you to enjoy it. Take it all in stride. Learn all the math, science, history and all of it you can. Enjoy your friends, be nice to them.
How do I give you a good experience? I didn't have one so I don't know what it looks like. Being positive and trying to motivate you are all I know.
Love,
Mom
I want so much for you. You have the ability to learn so many things. When I was in school, learning was not my top priority. Making friends and getting through was all consuming. My friends never really stuck, but I managed to get through. For you, I want you to enjoy it. Take it all in stride. Learn all the math, science, history and all of it you can. Enjoy your friends, be nice to them.
How do I give you a good experience? I didn't have one so I don't know what it looks like. Being positive and trying to motivate you are all I know.
Love,
Mom
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